The vast majority of marriage advice books are about saving the union, but sometimes it's wise to know when to let go.For example, if one or both partners refuse to put in the effort to save the marriage, it'll never get fixed.If you've reached a point where all you ever talk about is mundane things, like who needs to buy milk, divorce could be in your future, says Savage."Lack of personal, intimate exchange in a marriage is a very bad sign, especially if you are talking to others.""There is a definite lack of interest in sex and they don't communicate about it and don't do anything about it," says Dawn Cardi, a matrimonial lawyer of 28 years, currently in private practice in Manhattan., the arguments are redundant and never get resolved."If you don't spend any time together you can't have intimacy" she said."You can't just e-mail each other to keep your marriage together."From a lawyer's perspective, according to Cardi, the shifting around of accounts is far more telling than a spouse may let on."Marriages that reach this place are toxic—you're no longer civil, and all discourse is either attacking or defending."It may sound hokey, but it's true: In healthily humming-along marriages, both partners work as a team on everything from parenting to running the household to supporting each other in career and personal ambitions."If you've both started moving in completely separate orbits, or if you're not working together on day-to-day issues, it's a sign of serious trouble," says Savage.
What's worse, they manage to put the blame for their philandering and untrustworthiness on you, usually for being too jealous or controlling.
Another factor is time: "The clock starts ticking on the end of a marriage as soon as one spouse puts the [couple's] problems out in the open," says Bryce Kaye, Ph. "If you're no longer spending any time together, if one or both of you is spending all your time at work, with friends, online—and if feels like a relief not to be with each other—it's a sign that you've already disengaged from the marriage."Some marriages encounter damaging, seemingly insurmountable problems—such as infidelity, the loss of a close family member, or a long sexual drought—and rebound from them.
But, says Alisa Bowman, author of , if one spouse repeatedly brings up an issue, asks for help, and makes it clear that the marriage will not last unless they both commit to solving it, and the other spouse refuses to go along, the marriage is in trouble.
But if not, and having a child is a life goal of yours, you may be looking at the end of your marriage," says Bowman.
No problem in a marriage can be solved without open, honest communication.