To be fair, I’ve also learned this by being a black woman.In an effort to preserve sanity, I discovered very early that what is good and beautiful about me doesn’t require external validation.Got a question about etiquette in the digital world? (CNN) -- If you're young, urban and didn't import a significant other from college, it's pretty likely that you're on an online dating site. Granted, a lot of online dating is scrolling through photos, immediately weeding out "not my type," "holding a baby" and "just a torso," but even if someone deems you attractive (ironic mustache and all), a travesty of a first message can ruin all chances of romance.
We can console ourselves with the knowledge that dating sites are marketplaces filled with choice and opportunity, and when faced with infinite choices, you’re less likely to choose.If someone doesn’t “match” with me (online or in real life), it doesn’t mean I’m less valuable.While there are hurt feelings and bruised egos, there’s resilience in the acceptance that everyone won’t always want what I am serving.In case you were wondering, being unapologetically “ordinary” has implications beyond online dating.It’s essentially the reason Google started hiring outside of the Ivy League: People who weren’t bred to think they can’t be wrong have an easier time failing with dignity and poise.I’m not ugly, but I don’t have much beauty privilege (and make no mistake, beauty privilege yields tangible rewards).From grade-school dances in gyms to corporate happy hours, I’ve been “swiped left” on more than my fair share.“Online dating is just awkward,” my cute co-worker scrunches her nose.I worry less about pretense or maintaining some mystique, and if a suitor doesn’t get me, I can chalk it up to math.The odds might be against me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to play the game.“I get that they’re not looking for love, but aren’t they trying to hook up? ”As it turns out, my good-looking friends aren’t completely out of touch.“Classically attractive” women have more difficulty online dating.