Right now, I have four other partners, two of whom we see together.We each have maybe two dates with other people a month on average.Lisa (a pseudonym), 34, has been with her husband for half of her life, and says being polyamorous has strengthened her marriage.Their relationship has been almost entirely open, albeit with differing rules and structures as they've figured out the type of setup that works for them. One day we were filling out a sexuality survey in a magazine and one of the questions was "How do you feel about monogamy?We don't want to be policing each other, that's not the kind of relationship we want. The most common question I get asked is whether I get jealous. It's an emotion, just like sadness, loneliness, anger, excitement, and joy. You work through jealous feelings just like you work through the rest of your feelings.You feel it, you talk about it, you make a plan for how to do better in the future.With two of my partners, it's more casual and sexually oriented.
Now our only rules are honesty, safe sex, and no taking time from mutual commitments.You hear dudes say all the time: "How could you let your wife do that?" We don't have to "let" each other do things; it's not our job to parent our partners, or keep them in line, or punish or reward them.I have a long distance partner where I only see her a couple times a year but we're in communication every day via text or other social media.We rely on each other also for emotional support with things that are going in both of our lives.One of the things I had a meltdown about when we were considering if we were going to get married was, will we be monogamous like people expect us to be?One of the things I couldn't get my head around was never having another first kiss.Sometimes we go months where we only date and have sex with each other, other times we have three dates in a week.My personality type is conducive to multiple relationships. I grew up with a really big family; I'm the kind of person who requires a lot of attention.My husband and I both had a lot of codependent issues to work through early on.If my husband was upset, I very much took that on even if it had nothing to do with me, like I needed to follow him around and walk him through all the steps to process that.